The Adventures of Pink Hair: A Fair to Remember

When I started plotting my latest adventure, it quickly became apparent that I'd be heading out by way of Dallas on my journey north. Fortuitously, the State Fair of Texas (which I'd somehow never managed to attend) would be in full swing during my visit. I decided to recruit Mark, Erin, Dave and Dan to join me at the fair and plied them with tantalizing mentions of pig races, deep fried delicacies and miniature donkeys. All four readily agreed to join me as guests of Big Tex.

Dave found a wonderful place for us to stay, which was no small feat seeing as how it was UN-fortuitously the weekend of the big University of Texas/Oklahoma football game. Dave was able to get us rooms at the swanky Belmont Hotel, a picturesque 1950s motor court perched high on an urban hillside that commands a sweeping view of downtown Dallas. Shortly after arriving, we were ensconced on the chaise longues alongside the pool sipping cocktails and marvelling at the sumptuous view - the perfect preparation for the onslaught of the fair. I say onslaught because the entire thing is enormous, so much so that the Cotton Bowl stadium fits easily in the middle of the whole fray. Still, we were intrepid fun lovers, and by early afternoon had wrangled a cab to take us directly to the front gates like Dorothy and her friends, fresh from the poppy fields.

You won't be surprised to learn that one of the chief attractions at the State Fair is the diverse culinary smorgasbord , but what will surprise you is the creativity exhibited by some of the contestants in the deep frying category. Some of the dishes have even become legendary. Take fried butter for example.

See how innocent it looks? Just like little doughnuts! Fortunately, there were five of us to help mitigate portion size, thereby avoiding the full brunt of an entire order on any one person. The fried butter was wonderful - a crispy doughnut hole with a pocket of buttery goodness deep inside. It was readily apparent, however, that one was pretty much more than enough.,

Next up - fried BACON! I'd sampled chicken fried bacon some time ago in the tiny town of Snook, Texas, but had been decidedly disappointed in the results. I'm pleased to report that this version of fried bacon repaired my diminished hope and renewed my flaming desire. Absolutely delicious! I attribute the improvement to starting with a good thick slice of bacon and coating it with a crumb style batter (instead of a greasy sheen of flour). Erin and Dan relished their porcine planks playfully:

About that time is when the deep fried free-for-all got out of hand and there were suddenly tasty morsels appearing from every direction:

Texas Tornado Twisters (i.e., foot long potato chips)

Dave honed in on the fried Snickers bar

Mark selected fried Oreos (one of my favorites)

and I couldn't resist fried caramel apple.

I will now engage in what I'll call literary cinema by combining the above pictures with the one below:

Yes my friends, the State Fair of Texas is also about pigs. With the whiff of fried bacony goodness still fresh on our collective lips, we strolled the alleys of the Swine Pavilion in order that we might pay abeyance to this fine animal. We even happened upon a backstage area where nervous owners and their prize pigs waited in line for their one minute spot on the auction block. The pigs were all gussied up to look their best and make the most favorable impression on potential buyers. The kids tending the pigs were even more gussied up with new boots and jeans, french braids and enormous belt buckles. One gal even had a festive pig necklace that I couldn't resist photographing:

After we'd had a good look at the rows and rows of pens full of porky pulchritude, we took front row seats in the Swine Arena so we'd be up close for the pig races. They were every bit as corny and ridiculous as you might imagine, but we enjoyed every minute of them.

Next it was off to the midway for some gaudy entertainment. Dave got starry eyed watching the flight of fearless souls careening through the air in a wire harness high above the festival grounds and by the time we had made our way to the ticket booth for said attraction, he had even somehow managed to talk Erin into riding along with him and Dan. It was really pushing the envelope for Erin and I'm pleased to report that she was extremely brave. First, all three had to don festive aprons and get hooked into the contraption. Then, they were yanked way up in the heavens, what I'd guess was about 100 feet up in the air (that's them - that little speck near the top of the spindle in the middle of the photo below right) and then Dan was in charge of unceremoniously yanking the rip cord that would send all three of them plunging in an enormous arc into the starry night. I didn't hear a peep as they swooshed over my head and were flung halfway to the enormous Ferris wheel on the other side of the park.

Dave, Dan and Erin are the small speck on the right in the photo below. The speck on the left is an airplane on approach to DFW. And you thought I was exaggerating about the distance!

After the three astronauts had landed, we circulated about the midway a bit more until we recognized collectively that we'd finally reached our limit. We summoned the pleasant driver who'd toted us over to the park and she had us whisked back to our cute little hotel in no time.

Curiously, even though we had sampled all those amazing State Fair tapas, we all seemed to be hungry. Luckily for us, the hotel runs a wonderful restaurant directly adjacent, a place called simply, Smoke. We had all sorts of fancy delicacies, with ingredients as diverse as fois gras, pork jowl bacon and fried squash blossoms (because it isn't just at the State Fair that we Texans love our fried foods). Dinner was delicious and this photo of our tabletop aftermath pretty much tells the story:

After dinner, we repaired to the front porch of our rooms and chatted about the day's surprises, compared delights. The Dallas skyline glowed in the distance as a cool breeze blew over our aching frames. We'd put some miles on us on this glorious day. Some miles and some calories!/